By Brent Hayter, RCC, CCC, MACP,B.Ed. B.Kin. – PR Counselling and Coaching

WHY YOU KEEP GETTING IN YOUR OWN WAY

WHY YOU KEEP GETTING IN YOUR OWN WAY (AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT)

August 06, 20251 min read

WHY YOU KEEP GETTING IN YOUR OWN WAY

(AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT)

You've got plans. Goals. A vision for the man you want to be. But somewhere between the

motivation and the execution, things fall apart. You procrastinate, overthink, pick fights, drink

too much, binge-watch instead of build.

Then comes the shame, the regret, and the quiet promise to 'do better next time.'

You're Not Broken. Your Brain Is Just Doing Its Job.

The truth is, your brain isn't wired for growth - it's wired for safety. It constantly scans for the familiar,

even if what's familiar is failure or chaos. Trying something new feels threatening, so it whispers:

'Don't bother,' 'You're not ready,' 'You'll mess it up.'

How Your Past Shapes Your Present Sabotage

If you grew up in an environment where love, safety, or success were inconsistent or punished, your

nervous system learned that standing out could hurt. Now, as a man, that protective wiring still runs

the show. You sabotage not because you're broken, but because your system is trying to protect

you from pain.

Three Ways to Stop Getting in Your Own Way

1. Notice the Pattern Without Judgment

Pause and ask: What's happening right now? What emotion is driving this behavior?

2. Move Your Body, Not Just Your Thoughts

Change state: take a cold shower, go for a walk, breathe. Action breaks the loop.

3. Act Like the Man You're Becoming

Ask: What would future me do? Then do that - even if it's uncomfortable.

Final Thought

Self-sabotage doesn't mean you're failing - it means you're getting close to change. Show up

anyway. You've got this

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